Friday, January 29, 2010

The search "Lauren", for your entertainment and mine...

~Alright, prepare yourself for a bit of nonsense. You would think that in the middle of a move and submitting my MS to Amazon that I would not have time for this sort of thing. But, the truth is, our house is clean, our things are packed, and I'm sick of working on my book and pitch (you don't want to know how many times I wrote out that little 300 word pitch, only to toss it over my shoulder and restart from scrap).

~So I sat down to distract myself and here's what I came up with. (The original idea is not my own, so, I cannot take the credit for its inanity. ) Apparently people combine their name with searches on the internet to answer questions about themselves in hilarious ways. I don't know why, but, it's funny. So here's my results based on recent searches. I'm going to post the top three results from every search - no matter what they may be.....promise, as long as it's appropriate!
Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search. 

1. Lauren Needs Attention. (Wow, that is eerily true)
2. Lauren needs to chill out and stay out of other peoples business. (Oh boy, I can hear certain people saying this!)
3. Lauren Needs a New Home. (True!)
Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search

1. Lauren looks like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Good grief! Now I have to go look up a picture of whatever fictional character this is...)
2. Lauren looks like her Daddy (True, more than I look like my mom)
3. Lauren looks like she is doing sooo well. (Uh hu....)

Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.

1. Lauren Says: will be back soon. (Yes! Do you hear this Johanna!)
2. Lauren Says People Have "Low Expectations" For Her Book Series. ( I hope so...then at least there's the chance they could be pleasantly surprised!)
3. Lauren Says Yes to the Dress. (interesting....)

Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search. 

1. Lauren Wants To Know (Yes I do, allot of things actually)
2. Lauren wants Nathan back. (I didn't know he was gone!)
3.Lauren Wants to Gossip. (Ouch, I'm glad this is just a silly game!)

Type in "[your name] does" in Google search. 

1. Lauren Does Not Approve Of This Post… (Well, my conscience is telling me I'm wasting my time!) 
2. Lauren does hair! (Only my own...) 
3. Lauren-Does-the-ShowMe-Technology-Fair. (? I'll show you some technology fed sprouts in the front living room, they grow twice as silly after their liberal daily dose of X-box))

Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search. 

2. Lauren HATES when people go the wrong way in the grocery store. (usually this would be myself...) 
3. Lauren Hates Liars!

Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.

1. Lauren asks Audrina if she's coming to Frankie's barbecue that day. (I don't even know an Audrina...) 
2.Lauren asks that everyone who is able to attend to be at the dances. 
3. Lauren asks why she let Eden take the blame for the books she stole. (Yikes!)

Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search. 

1. Lauren likes to present herself as someone who's computer savvy. (Possibly, but sadly, she's not...)
2. Lauren Likes Everything. (Absolutely NOT!)
3. Lauren likes to hang out with her friends and watch Chinese television. (Now that's pretty funny, just change it to, "Japanese"...)

Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search. 

1. Lauren eats straws
2. Lauren Eats Better Than You Do (It depends on who you are.)
3. Lauren eats her feelings... sometimes she eats mine too... (Okay... not a single edible item on the list, apparently I ought to be a stuck up feeling eating straw)

Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search. 

1. Lauren wears her fame well. ( Jealous?)
2. Lauren wears a duck suit! (Okay, envy gone. I spoke to soon!) 
3. Lauren wears the same type of wig and is no stranger to dressing too young for her age. (wig? no. dressing too young? maybe.)

Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.

1. Lauren was arrested for bringing a pair of scissors to school.(Shouldn't it have been, Lauren was arrested for what she "did" with the scissors at school? I cut everyone's hair off - except my own of course) 
2. Lauren was arrested for "Inciting a riot". (What did I say?)

3. Lauren was arrested for knocking over a Laundromat. (That's a "hefty" charge!)

Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search. 

1. Lauren Loves Duckies! (Well, I love ducklings. I almost kidnapped some from a public park when I was seven. That's a funny story...)
2. Lauren loves fake eyelashes, and hearts, and coon tails. (I'm glad I don't know this Lauren...) 
3. Lauren Loves the Beatles (NOT)

~So there you have it. Evidently there are a bunch of crazy Laurens out there.

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