Monday, December 29, 2008

"A Dissertation On Colds In One Major Point"

...Have you ever wondered why it is that we seem to get colds every time the winter holidays roll around? I know I do - its like the cold bug has it in for me. The little germs secretly plot out their maneuvers, everything is "perfectly" timed, they strike at the height of my inconvenience scale. Maybe they have a wall lined with digital scales - tracking the inconvenience levels of everybody in the world. I don't know how they do it, but the fact is they do.

...You've probably guessed by now that this train of thoughts could only be dwelt on in this depth by someone with a cold. It's true, I've got a cold. The second or third one since November actually. And since I've got one I decided I might as well get a little use out of him, maybe I'll even hit upon a way to scare him off. Thus the following of what I like to call ""A Dissertation On Colds In One Major Point".

...Colds, as we have already established, have very little concern for the inconvenience of the person they are inconveniencing. In fact they seem to delight in choosing the most inopportune moments for making their appearance. For proof read the following example while comparing it to your own experiences. ~

~ (Sally) has been at home quietly doing nothing for several weeks. Occasionally she goes to the grocery store, the local park, and church on Sundays. Nothing pressing is on her agenda, in fact life is at one of its rare lulls.

~If ever there was such a thing as a "good" time to get sick - this was it. But nothing happens. The germs on grocery carts and and park swings refuse to stick to her, instead they menacingly wait.

~Then Sally slips on ice while coming in her front door. A quick trip to the Doc reveals that she has a sprained ankle. Now Sally is on pain medication and has to lie abed with her foot above her head. She also has a pressing speech to prepare for, homework to catch up on, and to top it off- her plumbing gets backed up. Everything just happened to converge simultaneously in an unforeseeable chain of events. Knowing the famous reputation colds have, combined with numerous trips to the less than sterile doctors office, we are all holding our breath waiting for Sally to get a cold. She doesn't.

~"Whats the problem?" we wonder. Now would be the "perfect" time for a runny nose and low grade fever to attack poor Sally. (Sarcasm implied) Sally is probably wondering the same thing herself, I know I would be.

~But the cold germs have a secret, inside, intuition about these things. They are sitting around watching Sally's inconvenience scale get higher and higher. One of them stretches lazily and begins to pull on his boots, but he is definitely taking his time.

~Sally is recovering from her sprained ankle. She is now able to get out of bed and hobble around on a pair of hospital issued crutches. Her attempts to fix meals, walk the dog, and get dressed in the morning are rather feeble at best. (Forget trying to take a shower) Mondays have always been Sally's most hectic day, and today happens to be one. It also happens to be the day she is giving her speech on "health and the human body" in which she emphasizes some new theories she has about the immune system.

~Its eight o'clock and her speech is at twelve. She attempts to give herself a sponge bath and find a missing shoe. After looking on top of beds, tables and over the large exposed areas of floor; Sally determined that the shoe must be under something. "Great where will I look first?" She hopped over to the table and crouched down to peer underneath. No shoe.

~Just then the doorbell rang. Sally grabbed the bottom rungs of her crutches and and attempted to pull herself up the ladder-like sides while shouting "Hang on just a minute!"

~Back on her feet again Sally makes it to the front door without falling over the dog more than once. Outside she finds her Aunts Olga, Beebe, and Marge. Wow, surprise relatives from out of state on the day of your big speech - and your house loos like it hasn't been cleaned for weeks. (Actually it hasn't) Sally shows them in apologizing for the mess, telling the dog to be quiet, and explaining too late about the sprained ankle. Too late because heavy weight hug champion Aunt Marge has already bowled her over in an attempt to keep the title; then Aunt Beebe dropped a suitcase on her injured foot while trying not to be undone; and Aunt Olga accidentally stepped on a discarded crutch. Sally discovers that the crutch is broken and the Aunts help her back into the house.

~It's already eleven o'clock and Sally begins to have moments of dismay. Her speech fled from memory with the arrival of the Aunts, and, to make matters worse, she still has not found her shoe. The Aunts disperse with their luggage to all corners of the house and Sally resumes her search. After covering every chair, couch, and ottoman in the living room, she makes her way to the bedroom. Its covered with Aunt Beebe's stuff and Sally has to take a roundabout route to reach her bed. Just as she's bending over to feel under the edge Aunt Beebe screams from the bathroom "O my gosh, the toilets overflowing!"

~Sally sees a shoe and wildly grabs it; the plumber must not have fixed the toilet problem. Mumbling darkly under her breath Sally tries to shove the shoe on her hurt foot while hopping with one crutch towards the bathroom. (Not noticing that the shoe is not the match to the one she's wearing) Yep, the toilets overflowing; in fact, its past overflowing and has now overflowed all over the carpeted bathroom floor.

~"Where's your plunger at?" Aunt Beebe shouts from her refuge in the bathtub. Sally groans and tiptoes across the floor to the bathroom cupboard. After five minutes of semi frantic activity; during which three bottles of shampoo, two of conditioner, a bag of toothbrush accessories, three million cotton balls, and a lousy batch of hair clips, are taken out one by one and rearranged in every possible combination; Sally determined the toilet plunger is not in the cupboard.

~Right at this identical moment, this engulfing second of utter despair and neck burn, the cold attacks. Its not logical, its not realistic, and its totally bizarre. But its so. Standing on one foot in a three inch puddle of sewage - watching cotton balls and old perfume bottles play marco polo - with three out of state Aunts screaming in her ears - and a pressing appointment with hundreds of people in forty five minutes- the cold arrived. How did it get the timing so perfectly? How did the germs know that five minutes sooner would have found Sally safely in her bedroom with a box of tissues on hand? Or even five minutes later?

~Frantically Sally fought the itch in her nose while reaching for toilet paper, only to discover that the roll was empty. Sneeze after sneeze rolled off the bathroom walls causing little pieces of popcorn texture to fall off the walls. Meanwhile the toilet continued to overflow.

~"Would someone get me a tissue!" Sally yodeled above the mayhem.

~Come on Aunt Marge, Aunt Olga!..

~Sure enough Aunt Olga came running to the bathroom, tissue box in hand.

~Eventually the plumber arrived to rescue Aunt Beebe from the tub. But by that time Sally had hopped to her car, discovered she had locked the keys in the car yesterday, gone back in and found the spare set, then drove away very late.

~We can imagine the triumph each infinitesimally small cold germ felt when Sally arrived for her unfortunate speech. Bedraggled and wet around the socks, wearing two different shoes, limping on a single crutch, hair greasy; but what is worse - carrying a soggy tissue box in one hand and wringing a brilliant red nose. Where did our composed, calm, Sally of two weeks ago go? She disappeared with the last straw of unbelievably coincidental bad luck, the appearance of a cold.

~Sally climbed the stand and faced her audience. Awkward silence.

~"Health and the Human Body" she began. Suddenly a violent sneeze blew away the top two pages of her notes and she looked around helplessly. She tried to bend over to pick them up without spraining her other ankle and noticed the mismatched shoes.

~Ironic isn't it?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Texan Civil War Museum

Recently our family took my Grandparents and Cousin to a Texas Civil War Museum. It was an exciting experience! I was really surprised to see some of the things they had there, I had no idea Texas had such an extensive museum. They divided the museum into two sides, on the left were the Union displays and on the right the Confederate's. I jumped back and forth taking pictures of both, though there are more pictures of the Rebels - seeing that I'm partial :) Below is a small sampling of the pictures, I took nearly two hundred and plan to take more when we go back. My family bought a pass for the year and are already planning to take a certain foursome of south Texas friends when they next come up. I included a link to the rest of the pictures at the end...Enjoy! This was one of my favorite displays.... These are pretty rare. One of the first things we saw when we came in. A Rebel knife of disturbing proportions to say the very least. Here is one of the few pictures with "people" in it. I mostly took pictures of the displays. This is my Grandpa with some uniforms. He was born in New York and has Yankee sympathies :) So I took the next picture just for him. Its a New York Artillery flag. Who says the war didn't come to Texas? I really liked this quote.... I got tired of counting how many U.S. "manuals" there were on display. It was rather amusing after awhile. Here is another of my favorite displays... Jeb Stuarts spurs... A Texan soldiers rebel "slouch" hat. They had some beautiful dresses at the end, but I had unwittingly used up both memory space and battery in the camera. So I will have to get more detailed pictures of them next time. This was one of my favorites... Below is the link to the Picassa Album I made for the Civil War museum trip...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Well its officially the Christmas season at our house now! My Grandparents, and an unexpected cousin :), arrived late last night at the airport. We picked them up, brought them home, and are enjoying their company! I will probably not do much blogging until after they leave, so this is adieu for a week or so... The following is a random quote by my littlest brother. I thought it was pretty original and definitely humorous coming from a six year old. Enjoy! Recently Dad was reading a Bible story aloud to the family. Afterwards he went around the room asking the customary comprehension questions. When he came to Nathan he asked a question about the Godhead, "Which of the Trinity was it Nathan?" Nathan got a funny look on his face and wrinkled up his small nose. I could see his brain thinking hard. Suddenly the lights came on and he grinned. Springing to his feet he announced in a triumphant shout, "WELL, you know what God says, I Am that I Am!" From the mouths of babes. Needless to say, our conversation became uncontrolled hilarity after that...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Defend Our Gun Rights!

Here are some excellent facts I just received in an email, take your time to read and think about where this country is headed! In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
------------------------------ In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated
China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Guatemala established gun control in 1964.. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million 'educated' people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million.
---------------------------- --
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by their own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars. The first year results are now in:
Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent
Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent)!
In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent. Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!
It will never happen here? I bet the Aussies said that too!
While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed.
There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense was expended in successfully ridding Australian society of guns.. The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove it.
You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.
Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.
Take note my fellow Americans, before it's too late!
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind him of this history lesson.
With Guns...........We Are 'Citizens'.
Without Them........We Are 'Subjects'.
During W.W.II the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!
Note: Admiral Yamamoto who crafted the attack on Pearl Harbor had attended Harvard U 1919-1921 & wasNaval Attaché to the U. S. 1925-28. Most of our Navy was destroyed at Pearl Harbor & our Army had been deprived of funding & was ill prepared to defend the country.
It was reported that when asked why Japan did not follow up the Pearl Harbor attack with an invasion of the U. S. Mainland, his reply was that he had lived in the U. S. & knew that almost all households had guns.
If you value your freedom, Please spread this anti-gun control message to all your friends!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Texas does have it ALL

Well seeing as how I live in the great State of Texas right now, and have for most of my life, I found the following pretty funny. My Dad emailed it to me a little while ago and I thought I would put it up for ya' lls enjoyment. If you don't get the humor you probably haven't lived in Texas. Its a bit long but worth the effort, have fun! (The ones which I found to be extra applicable in my life, I highlighted red)
Texas is well covered...

Need to be cheered up?
Happy, Texas 79042
Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort, Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?
Sun City , Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray , Texas 79086
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas 76301
Noodle, Texas 79536
Oatmeal, Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land, Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice, Texas 75155
And top it off with:
Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit, Texas 75436
Colorado City, Texas 79512
Denver City, Texas 79323
Klondike, Texas 75448
Nevada, Texas 75173
Memphis, Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston, Texas 75570
Santa Fe, Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462

Atlanta, Texas 75551

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane
Athens, Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China, Texas 77613
Egypt, Texas 77436
Ireland, Texas 76538
Turkey, Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Sudan, Texas 79371

No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!
Texas City, Texas 77590

Energy, Texas 76452

Cold (Anybody have an idea?)
Blanket, Texas 76432
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Santa Anna , Texas
Goliad , Texas
Alamo, Texas
Gun Barrel City , Texas
Robert Lee , Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from... Venus, Texas 76084

You guessed's on the state line.
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...
Kermit, Texas 79745
Elmo, Texas 75118
Nemo, Texas 76070
Tarzan, Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile.....
Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus, Texas 79013
Notrees, Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas 77853
Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

Our favorites...
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas

and, of course,

Muleshoe , Texas

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

Kilgore , Texas 75662

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas ...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may
live in Texas

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and
everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your
Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas ..

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas:

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles,

2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles.

3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas.

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. (Hurricane Ike destroyed the pier the Hotel was built on in 2008)

6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in
North America.

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.

10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.

11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ' Houston'.

12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43' in 24
hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union )instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. ~~~~~~There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on-the Brazos,
Harrisburg, Galveston, Velasco, West Columbia and Austin

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is
taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).

20. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.

21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia
about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg,which splits into four, and they either have four males or four

22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.

Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
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